Highlighting domestic abuse

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse can involve:

• Emotional abuse (see below)
• Financial abuse (see below)
• Sexual abuse (see below)
• Physical abuse (see below)
• Coercive control – this type of controlling behaviour in an intimate family relationship is now a crime. The cross-government definition of domestic violence and abuse outlines controlling or coercive behaviour as follows:
  • A range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.
  • Coercive behaviour is:
    A continuing act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim. More information can be found here.
• Forced marriage and honour-based violence – making you marry someone against your will, bullying you and controlling your behaviour to protect the family’s reputation
• Harassment – obsessive jealousy, following and checking up on you, embarrassing you in public
• Isolation – stopping you from seeing family or friends, monitoring or blocking phone calls
• Denial – saying the abuse doesn’t happen or that you cause it, begging forgiveness and saying it will never happen again

If you are experiencing domestic abuse, you may feel frightened or ashamed, but many people have been in your position. It is not your fault and you are not alone. There is help and support available in Devon, from people who will believe you and who understand how devastating abuse can be. If you are living with abuse on a daily basis, it is hard to make sense of it, especially if it has got worse over time. Abusive partners are often charming and friendly at other times and might convince you that problems are your fault. The lower you feel, the more likely you are to blame yourself. Recognising that you are being abused is an important first step to understanding your relationship and making changes in your life.

Who experiences domestic abuse ?

Domestic abuse happens in all cultures and social groups at similar levels. It is reported mostly by women who are abused by male partners or ex-partners, but men also experience domestic abuse and women can be abusers. Both women and men can suffer domestic abuse in same sex relationships. Children are badly affected by living with and witnessing domestic abuse and teens and young people can be vulnerable to abuse in their own relationships. Young people can be abusive to their parents and carers can be abusive to the people in their care.

When does domestic abuse happen?

Domestic abuse is rarely a one-off event. It can last for years and tends to get worse over time. Abuse often increases at times when an abuser feels they are losing control: during pregnancy, after the birth of a child, and especially at the point of separation or divorce.

Where does domestic abuse happen?

Domestic abuse is usually hidden. It takes place behind closed doors and without witnesses. It is different from having a bad temper, if your partner can control their behaviour outside the home, but is cruel and dominant with you. They may appear loving and sociable in front of others, so you feel that no-one would believe you.

For resources and further information go to a local website ndada.co.uk North Devon Against Domestic Abuse provide a fabulous local service and support both men and women.